not okay by crystalsc

that sound you hear is me screaming in frustration

since my last posting...

I have had my MRV and been to see the specialist. The MRV was benign, which is both expected and a good thing - Yay, no aneurysms! The specialist was only semi uneventful. In short, there is nothing she can do for me but she made some recommendations for my doctor. She suggested a sleep study and a headache specialist. Now we just wait for the doctor to call me back and let me know how we proceed.

I'm calling him if I haven't heard anything by Thursday.

My supervisor was fired. They finally hired a new one. I met her today. she seems nice, yet she has no background in repair. The last time they hired someone with no background in repair to be a sup it was a disaster. The jury is still out on whether this is good or bad.

The Stupid Boy That I Work With is working back in the call center again. I'm trying to be strong. It's a very bad situation to be getting back into. He's selfish and childish, and I feel my will to resist him weakening every time he looks my way with that stupid grin of his.

The job I interviewed for was a no go. I decided after the interview that I didn't want it, so it's a very good thing they didn't offer it to me.

I hate my job. I hate the people I work for. I'm sick of the bullshit. and I can't go looking for a new job because I'm just to damned old to be starting off in an entry level position some place else. I am too good for the shit job I have. I am a far better leader than most of the douche bags they have on the leadership team. I've been thinking a lot about going back to school, finishing my psychology degree and then getting my masters in social work and becoming a therapist, but to be honest I don't know where to start. I should look for scholarships, grants, anything.
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    infuriated infuriated

(no subject)


Since my last post I have...

...Been back to see my neurologist. He referred me back to Dr. Falardeau, the neuro-opthomologist at the Casey Eye Institute. In other words, he did nothing. Well, he also ordered a MRV. He says I'm not a candidate for surgery because my eyesight is not being compromised. How about the fact that I am in constant pain? This whole thing is starting to wear me out, and I'm now seeing why my doctors keep harassing me about keeping my moods stable.

...Celebrated the one year anniversary of my last cigarette. That's right gentle reader, I am now a non smoker. I feel amazing.

...Seriously considered going back to school to get my masters in education (as I had originally planned) and become a special education teacher.

...Discovered that my boobs have gotten bigger. A whole cup size bigger. ugh.

In other news...

My best friend was in a car accident. She's okay now, but her car is totalled, the other driver is dead and we don't know when my best friend will be able to go to back to work.

I have a job interview today. Same company I work for now, different department. I'm kind of meh about the idea of leaving not only my department, but my building. However, it's a step up and it's out of customer service. I don't know if it pays more, I'll find out today I guess. The biggest suck about the whole thing is if I take the position - and this would be a stupid reason not to take the job - I have a friend with whom I work that I see every day at work, and frequently our days off as we share the same schedule. I have no doubt that he and I would still see each other if I were offered the position and took it, but it would be difficult because of the difference in schedules; I'd be on days, he'd be on nights and our days off would no longer match up.

I have to go to take my best friend to an appointment before my interview.

wish me luck
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful

and now, a word from our sponsor

hello internets!

please forgive the lack of caps, as i've have self medicated with herbal refreshments and a bottle of wine and can not be bothered to put forth the effort to push the shift button down.

if you drink wine i must recommend novella rayons de soleil muscati canelli. i got it at trader joes and it is yummy.

and now for something completely different. my head hurts! surprised? i'm certainly not. i wish i had something different to report, but alas, i don't. my doctor told me he wants me to come back in and they'd be contacting me to schedule an appointment soon. that was 2 weeks ago. yeah, kinda worrisome. I've sent a follow up email kind of as a reminder and kinda to see if he was waiting to get that from me before contacting me for the appointment.

my head has been particularly bad this week. i've had headaches everyday since last friday. as well as massive a massive depression. however, today's absolutely divine weather seems to have elevated my moods, despite being chained to a phone all day.

i got a new tattoo. i'll try to remember to upload a picture when i'm a little more sober. i can't quite remember my photobucket password at this moment.

i also got a new piercing. it's above the belt, but below the chin. i'll just say that i now have a matched set.

my brother just turned 29, which serves to remind me that i am one year away from forty. a fact that seems to fill me with dread and excite me all at the same time.

dread because.. holy fuck i'm nearing 40, what the fuck have i done with my life? no meaningfully relationship just cheap tawdry sex with people younger than my brother, no kids, semi dead end job and i'm still not married to shirley manson.

excitement because... holy fuck i'm nearing 40. i'll finally be able to officially call my self a cougar. yes! it's about time. because, well, you know... cheap tawdry sex with people younger than my brother.

why yes, i am a little tickled to be able to call myself a cougar. it amuses me. don't judge.

i still work for the same company, live with the same people, and i'm still having liaisons with the stupid boy i work with. who look looked completely irresistible at work today. he's changing his look, dressing like an adult. i even didn't mind the baby pimp chain. kind of. it grew on me. again, don't judge.

it's taken nearly an hour to type this. i keep getting distracted.

i should stop.

anyone else twitter?
  • Current Music
    hash pipe - weezer
Beamer Bunny by drewsilla

it's an update.

so my new neurologist took me off of all my meds and started me on lasix two weeks ago. For the most part I feel 75% better. I no longer feel like there is a giant balloon being blown up inside my head. I do however still have a persistent pain that I just can't shake. It's not intolerable, just annoying.

The numbness in my face however is not changing. In fact I'd say it's getting worse. I had another MRI on Monday, but I haven't heard anything about the results. I'll email my doctor about them if I haven't heard anything by Monday. The good news is that it's not Multiple Sclerosis and all my labwork came back normal.

Work is work. I still haven't moved, but things are a little better. Stupid Boy That I Work With and I are still at it. What can I say? I find him just shy of irresistible.

Now it's bedtime.
  • Current Mood
    happy happy

(no subject)

I went and saw my general practitioner who is both concerned about the numbness in my face and shocked that my old neurologist wasn't. Funny thing about this whole situation, my GP. who I adore, did her residency at Kaiser under my old neurologist. She really likes him, but has to admit she isn't quite sure what he's been thinking when it comes to my care.

As for the numbness, she's afraid it's neuropathy caused by the pressure caused by the build up of the cerebral spinal fluid. There are other possible causes for the numbness - migraines, menopause, multiple sclerosis - but she told me not to concern myself with what it might be right now. She's ordered some blood work and is getting touch with my new neurologist to see if he wants a new MRI before I see him of the fifth. If it gets worse before I see him, I need to go back and see her.

The headaches are back and I'm having problems with dizziness. I'm waiting a little bit before freaking out about that though, kind of hoping I have a virus. If it continues or gets much worse I'll get back to see my doctor.

and my eyesight. oh holy lord. thank god I'm going in to see my opthomologist soon, thats all I can say about that.

and please pardon the non sequitur can some one please tell me what in the name of all that is sacred and holy does that man's blue Lamborghini have to do with having a black president? Not only is that rhyme fucking ridiculous, I think it's kind of insulting. Just my opinion.

I think I'm going to go to bed.
Beamer Bunny by drewsilla


So the good news is my headaches seem to be gone. I keep getting sharp stabs of pain that may last up to 1 or 2 hours but for the last three weeks I have been mostly pain free.

The bad news is the numbness in my face is getting worse. Painfully worse. the whole left side of my face is nothing but pins and needles. My left eye keeps twitching and watering and my left nostril won't stop running. When I brush my teeth the pins and needles get worse. Same when I wash my face. If for some reason I rub the left side of my face the whole thing not only gets worse, but twitches painfully. My appointment with my new neurologist isn't until February 5th. I've toyed with the idea of going into urgent care, except I keep feeling guilty about the idea because this isn't really urgent. I never did get the results of my MRI.

I'm going to have to call the advice nurse tomorrow although I'm certain there's nothing they will be able to do.

This whole situation is so fucked.

I'm going to medicate myself and go to bed.

well fuck me running

First of all, Happy New Years to you. May this new one be infinitely better that the old one.

Now. I returned home from work to find everyone but the Mrs. drunk in the living room. Not that I expected any different. No sooner had I walked in than the Freeloader's friend shouts "Yes, Beamer's here, let's go get the coke." For a drug I have never done, it seems that I simply can not escape that white powder.

Now, was he serious about the cocaine? I certainly hope not. I kind of hope the idea was planted in his head because the Freeloader found out I smoke pot for my headaches, and we all know how pot is a gateway drug. ::eye roll::

I really need to have that conversation with the Mrs.
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    annoyed annoyed

my world is crazy, thus I update

Like most of you said, the cat came back. Point in fact, he never really left, poor thing. He too refuge in the crawl space under the house, and I feel incredibly blessed that he loves the Mrs., because it was her voice he finally responded to. So he's back, safe and sound and I have plans to get him in and get him chipped in case he ever gets out again..

The weather here in Portland sucks ass. We've had snow for ever a week. Driving to work has been like taking Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. I've had three near spin outs, and one total spin out. And I have chains! This is the only thing I have regretted about moving out to my area of town (other freeloader roommate guy that doesn't pay attention to anything other than himself)because the buses don't run late enough for me to get home via bus, then the buses stopped running all together.

I'm supposed to have today off so that I could spend the say with my family, but the weather is stopping us from getting together, so I'm thinking of going ahead and going into work to do some OT.

I haven't yet spoken to Mrs. about my possible intentions to move out. I need to wait until we can get out and be away from the Freeloader's earshot, and with us all being all but snowed in, these things will have to wait.
not okay by crystalsc

Oh no they didn't

One of my roommates let my cat out. He's been gone for two days now. Yes, maybe he's just found a place to curl up and try to stay warm in this rare winter storm we're having. I'll admit that's a possibility.

I'll also admit that monkeys might fly out my butt.

I'm sorry if I sound pessimistic, but I am. I don't expect him to return home if he's not home by now. If he does come home I'll turn fucking back flips, however, I'm not expecting it.

I have no way of pointing a finger a which roommate did it, but I have a feeling it was probably the freeloading one because he's also the thoughtless, selfish one. I wouldn't put it past him to open the door and leave it open without giving a second thought that Hermes might get out, because if it doesn't somehow pertain directly to him it doesn't matter.

Mrs. hasn't mentioned whether he's paid rent or not, but he'd somehow acquired a new laptop.

My bedroom is freezing. I have no idea what the temperature is because I have no thermostat, but even with my electric blanket at night, I am freezing. I told the Mr. and Mrs, and the Mrs. gave me a space heater. Problem is no matter what outlet I plug it into, or how little I have going in my room, the damned thing breaks the circuit. On top of that. The air coming out of vent? Cold.

Where is all this going? I'm seriously considering moving out.

I don't know that I can continue to live with people who so carelessly lose my pet. Will they do it to the next one I get?? and what about providing me with habitable living quarters? I know there is a law about that. Somewhere.

I have an offer to go live elsewhere, and I am seriously considering it. The problem is I really like where I live, and I don't think it was either Mr or Mrs that let him out. However I can't expect them to kick the other guy out just because I threatened to move out. Even if I'm their only paying tenant.
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    pissed off pissed off